My Arrested Development

I am entirely arrested by my own self doubt. I question every move, and out of fear of failure, stand still. And I have this habit of standing still, never making changes, taking chances, and complaining that nothing changes.

I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life. And I feel like a big part of that has to do with anxiety. Particularly social anxieties that I’ve felt since elementary school. I could go into cataloging all the ways in which I have retrospectively realized anxiety has effected my life and my choices, but that would just be a crazy long list. But just for example, I was always the “shy” girl in school. I really wasn’t all that shy, people who know/understand me know I can actually be quite blunt and unfiltered. I wasn’t shy so much as terrified of saying something “wrong” in front of people who may not understand me.

I’ve always felt “different” (especially growing up) and not the cool kind of different, but like my ideas are too lame and/or out in left field. And because of my fear of being too “out there,” I would always try to push down my impulses to say/do the random things that pop into my head. This same fear also always made me too afraid to share anything personal or creative with.. well anyone really. (Which is also why I was debating whether to even post this or not, but Hubs talked me into it.) Now, I fear that I’ve spent so much time suppressing my weirdness, that I’ve lost all creativity. And yet a large part of me yearns to be creative.

I so wish I could be one of those ballsy people who knows exactly what they want, and just goes for it. I wish I could tap into my creativity that I feel may be buried deep down within me, and do something productive with it. I wish I could say screw looking for a worthwhile career to just survive off of, and start doing something purely because I’m passionate about it. But I don’t even know what that is anymore. I’m clueless. At a bit of a standstill.

I don’t write these things to seek the pity of others, and I don’t mean this as negatively as it’s potentially coming off. To be clear, I wouldn’t say I’m embarrassed by my weirdness, I’m quite fond of it really. But I do struggle to wield it in a productive way, like I wish I could 😉 This has been more to express myself (something I struggle with), and by just putting it out there, a reminder to myself to occasionally be daring…

So, I guess, my challenge to myself and to others is to be daring. Be passionate about something. And most of all, do something.





The “remake” I didn’t expect to love (but totally did)



So, I don’t generally feel the need to review movies, I’m no movie buff and to be completely honest, I’m pretty picky about which movies I even like.

I was nervous but excited to see the new live action Beauty and the Beast.. I tried hard to keep my expectations low because I was so afraid of being disappointed, the 1991 animated Beauty and the Beast is one of my absolute favorite movies. Hell, I accessorized my wedding bouquet with a Belle pin, and Hubs wore Beast on his boutonniere. I walked down the aisle to Jim Brickman’s rendition of Beauty and the Beast. (It was a vaguely Disney themed wedding. Even though it wasn’t truly intended as such)

Anyhow, I tried to avoid trailers and I refused to let Hubs play the new soundtrack while I was around. I was so worried about being disappointed before I even got to the theater. While there are a few things I had tiffs with and I’ll admit the first time I saw it I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel, all in all I really love this film. Maybe it’s just the hype and I’ll change my mind later, but I adore some of the changes they made in this adaptation. I’ve seen this movie 2.5-ish times now (I currently work part-time at our local movie theater and got to watch bits and pieces while working the other night) and seeing it again made all the difference for me, and now I’m completely obsessed.

My biggest beef with this film is that they had Ewan sing Be Our Guest in a ridiculous French accent. Now, I don’t mean to diss this performance altogether, I still absolutely love that it is Ewan McGregor, but his voice is so phenomenal (I mean come on! <click) that I just really wanted to hear him belt it. Unfortunately, the accent seemed to hinder his natural abilities. The whole song I was just listening for hints of his natural singing voice and there are a few moments when it peaks out and it’s glorious, but this sing could have been so amazing if they didn’t insist on sticking to the French accent. Yes, I do realize it’s set in France and Lumiere in the classic has a thick French accent.. but come on.

Anywayyy, on another note, there are a lot of things I love about this movie. The music is still stellar! And the new songs? *heart melts* I cannot stop listening to the soundtrack, especially Days in the Sun. Hubs is completely obsessed with the song Evermore (it’s very reminiscent of Out There from Hunchback). We’re pretty much just fans of all Alan Menken Disney soundtracks.

I love that these characters were given more of an actual backstory/history. Belle and Beast especially, previously we knew practically nothing about these characters’ previous lives. I love that this was added, it brought more depth to the story of Beauty and the Beast in my opinion.

Basically, I 100% recommend seeing this movie, especially if you are a fan of the 1991 animated version. I can’t say which version you will like better, both are awesome in my (current) opinion 😉